I know what to say about this page, I just don't know how to. A DR and HR collaboration
Part of the drive, the Sandia's in the background, Albuquerque, land from where
my parents came (upperleft), Brewce said "Dan, I'm taking you to
Heaven", so You
gotta die, so here we are going the wrong way on the highway (upperight), the
Clouds
seem so peaceful now. Things kind of seem normal.
The mission is GO! Inquiries have been made, people have been notified,
its time to skate an epic pool. Day 2 of the California stay, on the road
from San Diego to the Orange Curtain with "The Reuler" at the
wheel. First stop will be the Basic bowl, from there, we shall
see..........Were coming to town to shake up the HBD, where the hell is Billy
Lohrig, it's 3 o'clock right now and we've finally mobilized. Leaving lay'd
back San Diego for Wooly wiles of Huntington Beach, picking up the pace as we
try to avoid the HB hype and attitude because were from the south, South Texas
and South Ohio going to the backwoods of HB, the skatanic Rednecks coming He Haw,
unfortunately me and Brewce, and majority of the skateboarding public missed out
on the Skatanic Rednecks and the Wet T-shirt contest that opened the trade show.
A couple cools guys tried to start a fight because they didn't like Reul's
Square dancin' techniques with their ladies. Dude claimed he got slapped by Dave, which is ridiculous, he's a dancer, you know, square togs and
shit, well these guys were like
jock dancers, they tried to fight with as many guys as Brewce took runs in the
epic pool. Luckily they got kicked out before Dog Boy Sasquach, Kletus,
Pyscho
Billy Barry, The Hitch Hiker Biker, Jesus Diablo, Long Horn Lorton, The Blood
Sucker Trucker, and the Skatanic Mechanic got in. Of course even though
the Mechanic had 2
black eye's and a missin' tooth, the Jock boy dancers from the valley knew they
had to turn and run to avoid like a Louisville cop beat down
maneuver, upside the head via the Mechanic's monkey wrench.
Hank Reulr riding silver all the way to bar. This was my last night in the
Backwoods of
Huntington Beach, what a show, they played "kill Bin Ladin" and he was
beaten in ephigy.
Dog Boy Sasquach and Hank Reulr giving Bin Ladin the boot during "kill Bin
Ladin"
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| The Skatanic Redneks starter kit includes: Sampler (4 songs) CD and Video (2 songs), a Redneck trucker hat, a media kit, and a chaw of tobaccy, all packaged up in a handy simulated saddlebag. All for the country Egg and Ham price of $16.66 or something like that. |
 Dogboy Sasquach |
Skatanic Redneks show in Huntington Beach, what a crew to
watch, be sure to drink yourself silly and enjoy one of their shows. You can
now download 3 of their songs in MP3 format and start being a Rednek
too. |
Skateboard Heaven, is this what Brewce was talking about? This is
Skateboard Heaven in
San Diego, the high wall ride contest. This dude blew it out, Mad
Mike was high high high.
Wet T-shirt contest, "equipment" got soaked, Double D "the voice", buckets of water, beer, and other juices were spewed on the girls as they ripped their clothes off. The girl who won was standing on the stage naked dripping wet on old school roller skates, winning a dream dates with the Rednecks. The place, the Osiris tradeshow party beyond maximum capacity. Nobody was able to pass the fortress gates except 120 of the Skatanic Redneks posse. Beyond her dream dates, she got $1000. Word has it that she's spending most of the money to hire the Redneks to come and play in her studio appartment. Dave says :"it's not easy to judge these type of events, it's 'Hard' work". Happy to escape electrocution on the electrified beer soaked wet and wild stage. Skim boarders showed up because they heard about the beer shore break that rolled off of the mosh pit. A genuine simulated Mechanical Bull, which looks a lot like a plastic hobby horse was ridden off the stage into the crowd, repeatedly being beatdown by the crowd, Silver could not be broken. Silver ended up being the enforcer in the mosh pit, sending several to the hospital. "There was blood on the saddle blood on the ground and a great big puddle of blood all around", with lyrics like these you know there just not to be taken seriously.
So, we posse'd up at the Basic Bowl, finishing the "El Pollo Loco" spicy burrito I had just purchased. I took one run in the Basic Bowl that day let me tell you. But that was not the Mission, it was the original mission. This new mission was so henious that I can not discuss the circumstances of it with you at this time, probably never, the gravity of it squashes my brain. EPIC. If you run into me somewhere and you ask, hey did you skate any pools in California, you'll probably see the biggest smile on my face, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. I didn't even take any pictures. So if you hear me tell you about some fanciful tale of skating this pool, just say, that Dan, your funny telling stories like that. The Texas Pool Sharks would all be jealous, but once again, you can't trust what Dan is saying, "he's a kook"
Skatanic Mechanic, Pops, and Hank
Excerpts of HBD tales:
HBD theories...........I was proposing a theory to Dave Reul concerning
Huntington Beach Disease, you can refer to a previous edition of Juice for
background information on the Disease, but I propose that Patient Zero is not
from Huntington Beach, not even from California originally but from Dayton
Ohio. I was saying that Greg "basic" Castle imported the Disease
from his incubation center in the UD Ghetto where I met him. Well, Dave
added to the theory that Gregs Basic bowl was the culprit, what with the mold
and spores would build up and all of the local inside the "Orange
Curtain" were spreading the disease amongst each other as they skated the
Basic bowl. Their treatment that they felt worked best was heavy doses of
partying which led to the late sleep ins and the inevitable lack of energy, thus
the HBD symptoms. Though I digress, I think Greg was the original carrier,
he's still treating his HBD with the original Newport Beach technique, party
till dawn. The fault line between Belmars Chickens and Basic is
undeniable, I believe that is the fracture that mixed the Dayton borne virus
into an all out Disease infecting without predjudice, no matter what
country a skater is from, though it appears that Brazilians do not exhibit
the symptoms as quickly.
9-12Next stop, San Diego, lack of sleep at a maximum.
Potential for radical terrain, I would say pretty dog shit High. Skated Fontana
today, that place is a blast, though it will be much better when we send out
concrete Commandos to cut out the steel coping and replace it with pool block.
..........A little later, trying to wake Dave Reul up, morning is the best time
to fight at the core of the HBD, Hey Texans, help cure Dave Reul of the HBD, he
don't have enough Texans around the area to skate with.........lets go get in
the carnage, come on!
9-18 Rednek Soup/Stew Trying to hold back his pheromones at the the Old Spice audition trying to earn some deodorant money. After the crappy skatepark, Hank Reuler broke out his Rednek Recipe book and made his Rednek Stew. Seems the ingredients included Raman noodles, ground beef, loads of sliced garlic, onion chunks, left over spaghetti, broccoli chunks, cauliflower chunks, Carrots, Cayenne Pepper, Tapatio hot sauce, corn, Potatoes, Pico de gallo, among other stuff, it cleans your sinuses, of course you can substitute many different road kill meats for the ground beef., and please use the Raman noodle spice packets to marinate your meat selection.
Song words------aka lyrics----to---"John Wayne" a Skatanic
Redneks original
Well I got a little story
about a man I know
they call him the duke
with a heart of gold
he's an old man whoa
with a gun in his hand
and he rides the land
with an iron plan
I am John Wayne
I ride the Plain
I'll shoot your horse
with no remorse
without no horse
you can not ride
and from my gun
you can not hide
I am John Wayne
I've gone insane
I'll enter your brain
through your TV
you'll watch reruns
till the morning sun
you can not hide
from my six gun gun
gun gun gun gun
every great american story
has a morale
and the morale to this one
goes like this
well the moral of the story is clear to see
get up off of that couch
unplug your TV
Yeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww awgn
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| A couple Redneks at the lodge, TX Rednek Hank Reuler and FL Rednek Jimi "The Greek". The Greek took 2nd at Timothy Brauch Memorial Contest in Milpitas the day before, behind Benji Galloway and ahead of Steve Caballero, those east cost Redneks really get going in a heated snake session. |